i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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