If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
