I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
