so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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