never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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