After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
