Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
