So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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