im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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