hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
