Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
