On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
