Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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