I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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