Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
