why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
