I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
