At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
