Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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