Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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