I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
