he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
