i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
