I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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