tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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