So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
