I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
