something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
