Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize