I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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