I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
