PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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