I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
