Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
