I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
