I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
