whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
