she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
