DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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