Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
