Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
