He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
