Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
