i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
