It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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