He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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