ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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