thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize