i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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