Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
