South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Found the puke drawer
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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