she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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