If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
