Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
