Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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