Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize