she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
