There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize