he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
