pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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