a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
