he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
