mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
