Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
