I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
