rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
