why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
