just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think I am morally bankrupt
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
