Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize